101 Days of Wizards: Unrated Extended Edition
by emeralddusk
Summary: 101 Days of Wizards, longer, darker, and a lot sexier.  Includes deleted and extended scenes, alternate opening and ending.


Wizards of Waverly Place

101 Days of Wizards: Unrated Extended Edition

_It was an ordinary day in Waverly Place New York, and the Russos were sitting in their loft as they normally would on an ordinary day like this. Little did they know that today, their lives would be changed, forever! _

They were sitting in their loft, reading newspapers and drinking juice when Justin busted in through the door. "Ah! Oh, my arm, ah! Oh, okay." Said Justin as he shook off his arm. "...So guys, the most exciting thing has just come to me vicariously by the inscription on this letter! Ah!"

"What, you got a fuckin' letter from Harvard saying they want you to teach insanity?" Said Alex sarcastically.

"Hu hu I wish." Said Justin in a stupid voice. "Well, this letter states that the three of us, Alex, Justin and Max, have been cordially invited to two funtastic weeks of bird watching, at bird watching camp! This is fuckin' amazing!"

"Justin, I am so proud of you." Said Theresa as she put her arm on him.

"Well don't be. They just send these invites to random people across the country because nobody actually wants to watch birds. But the joke's on them, because they have just invited the most fuckin' enthusiastic bird watcher New York! I gotta go get my camera!" Yelled Justin as he ran up the stairs, jumped and his leg snapped. "Ah, ah, oh!"

"Oh fuck." Said Theresa as she grabbed her face in her hands.

"What a loser." Said Alex.

"I'll say." Said Jerry as he took a bag of popcorn, threw it in the air and it fell all over the floor. "Ah man." Said Jerry as he took the popcorn bucket out of Max's hands and started to throw more.

"Ha." Said Max.

The next day, Alex ran into the diner with letters in envelopes in her hands. "Dad, quit your job and buy a brand new car!" She exclaimed.

"Alright!" Yelled Jerry as he took his diploma for sandwich vending and threw it into the fire place. "Wait, why?"

"I just got this letter, in an envelope, in the mail, and it says we might already be millionaires!" Yelled Alex as she jumped in the air.

"Oh." Groaned Jerry as he sulked down into his chair. "Theresa check our bank account, are we millionaires?"

"No there's nothing in there." Answered Theresa as she stood near the cash register.

"Oh, well, I got another letter, regarding the next few weeks of our lives." Said Alex.

"What, ah, so much for bird watching." Said Justin dissapointedly, who was wearing a gray safari coat, gray pants, a gray pith helmet, and had binoculars around his neck.

"Well, it says we're going to spend a year at PCA campus in California." Said Alex as she opened the letter.

"Are you serious!" Yelled Justin as he looked up.

"And, it says that we get to take classes there in place of our schooling here." Read on Alex.

"Fuck!" Proclaimed Theresa excitedly.

"And, all of our meals and boarding are free!" Exclaimed Alex.

"I will fuck you!" Yelled Max excitedly.

"This is the best thing ever!" Yelled Jerry as he shoved the napkin dispencer off the table.

"You guys are retarded, whenever something this good happens, fate always comes along to take it away from us, and we all end up dead in the end, so I am not getting my hopes up." Said Justin.

"Shut up Justin, we're finally going to a place I've never heard of! This is going to be the greatest adventure we ever had!" Yelled Theresa.

"Sure." Said Max sarcastically.

The next three days, the Russos had just arrived at PCA and were checking out all the freaks. "Whoa look at all these freaks!" Yelled Jerry.

"Got that right, the P in PCA must stand for p, uh, phh, forget it." Said Theresa who nobody was paying attention to.

"Where the hell do you think our damn dorm is!" Demanded Alex daftly.

"What the hell does daftly mean?" Asked Max.

"Shut up Max! This situation is hopeless enough and our doom is inevitable enough, the stress is enough without your stupid questions! At least this time I have nothing to look forward to, so I will not be disappointed." Stated Justin.

"Justin, I don't care how stressed and crazy you are, we do not yell at our family, so why don't you just shut the fuck up!" Yelled Theresa. "Hu, okay." She said as she patted Max on the back.

"Ha, look at those freaks!" Yelled Alex as some freaks came walking up to them.

"Hi, I'm Zoey, this is my friend Lola, and this is, uh, oh, there's nobody else here, ha." Laughed Zoey as she flipped her hair.

"Ha." Said Theresa.

"Hi I'm Lola, I'm a big tough bitch and nobody tells me what to do!" Yelled Lola as she looked all tough.

"Well, you'd better stay away from us, cause whenever something good happens, like this, us and all the people around die, so watch out!" Declared Justin.

"Ha, nobody tells Lola what to do!" Yelled Zoey as she slapped Alex in the face.

"Ah, you bitch, uh!" Yelled Alex as she slapped Zoey in the face.

"Ow!" Screamed Zoey. "Oh my face, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, oh fuck, ow ow ow ow, of my face, ow, oh, help!" Screamed Zoey. "Oh, ow, hu, ow! Oh ah, ah! Ah, help, oh, why isn't anybody, ah, help, ah, help! Ah! Ah ah ah ah, help, ah!" Screamed Zoey as she fell on the ground, got on her knees and spat out blood and started screaming and fell on the ground and rolled around in a circle. "Ah ah ah, ah! Oh, ah! Wa! Ah!"

"Ha, do you know where the hell we can find our dorms?" Asked Jerry.

"Well we just found some dorms that didn't have anybody, living, in them, and we just moved in there, so do that." Answered Lola.

"Ha thanks." Said Max.

"No problem, if it was I sure as hell wouldn't have done it." Said Lola.

"Alright, let's go family, ha!" Yelled Theresa as she grabbed all the bags and fell on the ground.

"Let's get on with this." Said Alex as she and the rest of the family walked over Theresa.

At their dorm as they unpacked their things, the group was rudely interrupted by some obnoxious, freakish looking teens. "Hi, I'm Logan Reese, the richest son of a bitch on this campus, she's, I don't know..." Started Logan.

"Quinn, his girlfr..." Started Quinn.

"And he's Chase, you don't have to worry about him." Continued Logan.

"Hi, I..." Started Chase.

"So, how much money do you have?" Asked Jerry in a frantic voice.

"Oh I don't kn, $10,843,622 and fifty six cents." Answered Logan.

"That's very specific." Said Theresa.

"Ha, when you order Logan, you get the whole package." Exclaimed Logan.

"I'll say." Said Quinn in an annoyed voice.

"Wow, down to the cent, ya know, I like that in a man." Stated Alex. "I like a guy who knows just who he is, hell, I like anybody with a lot of money."

"All girls do, well, unless they got mental problems." Stated Logan.

"This is a big campus." Stated Max.

"Thanks, it's built on Arlington National Cemetery." Stated Logan. "I can tell you anything about this place, whatever you need to know."

"Where can we get something to eat around here?" Asked Jerry.

"They got some food in the cafeteria." Said Logan. "All the cool kids, like me, sit at table 3, all the losers sit at table 5."

"Ha, my favorite number is five." Said Justin.

"Mine too." Said Chase.

"I figured." Stated Logan. "Anything else?"

"Ya, what do you know about that idiot hot girl, Zoey?" Asked Justin.

"Oh, she's the dumbest bitch on campus, she can't grasp the simplest concept of intelligence to save her life, she's hot, but she won't let any but the hottest guy within three feet of her. So you'd better just forget it smart boy." Stated Logan.

"Oh I don't think so, nobody says no to Justin Russo." Said Justin proudly.

"Great, who's he?" Asked Logan.

"Me, and that Zoey is going to be mine by the end of the week. She'll be in my hands like moss on a rock, ya know after it rains. You'll see." Said Justin as he ran out the door and fell down the stairs. "Ah!"

"Hope he doesn't dent those stairs, they're quality steel." Stated Logan as the group sat around.

Later in class, the teacher was ranting about the evils of Republicans while he fiercely shook an empty bottle of whiskey in his hand, while the students gossiped, smoked pot, injected drugs into their arms and talked on their phones. Justin went over and sat next to Zoey. "Hi, you don't know me, but I know you." Said Justin.

"Really, are you like a stalker, cause my dad told my to stay away from freaks like you." Said Zoey in an annoyed voice as she chewed gum.

"No, I'm not a stalker, I just admire you from afar, and after doing so I realized that I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Said Justin.

"Well, before I get pregnant with a guy and marry him I really think I should get to know you, like your name and what you do, shit like that." Stated Zoey.

"Well, I'm a filthy rich, handsome romance cover model with abs so fucking hard they could dent a hammer!" Stated Justin.

"Really, how'd you like to go out tomorrow?" Asked Zoey.

"Ha, name the time and place." Said Justin as he leaned back in his seat.

"Oh, Pacific time, and I'm pretty sure we're in a school." Said Zoey in a stupid voice.

"Very good, now, when and where should we meet?" Asked Justin.

"Oh, come to my dorm, 101, and seven o'clock, wear something that rips off, it makes things faster and sexier." Answered Zoey.

"Sounds great, I'll see you tonight." Said Justin excitedly.

"Great, by." Said Zoey in a bored voice as she sank into her seat.

At the cafeteria, Jerry was eating three turkey legs and a whole lot of pie. "Mm, they don't have food like this anymore." Said Jerry.

"I wonder why." Said Alex.

Justin then busted through the door. "Guys, the most exciting thing in the world just happened to me!" Yelled Justin.

"Me to!" Yelled Jerry as he held up the turkey leg.

"What, you got a fuckin' letter from Harvard saying they want you to come and teach fuckin' insanity?" Asked Alex sarcastically.

"You said that already." Said Max.

"That was so long ago, who remembers." Said Alex.

"It was two days ago!" Yelled Theresa.

Does anybody want to know what really happened?" Asked Justin frantically.

"Sure, I like some excitement while I eat." Said Jerry through his food.

"I convinced that dumb bitch Zoey that I'm a rich handsome romance model with abs, and now she wants me to sleep with her tonight." Proclaimed Justin.

"That's a pretty weird offer." Stated Max, not paying attention.

"This is great, first I had no expectations for this trip, but this is turning into the most important event in my life, and it's all because of some stupid girl, ha ha, see ya, ha ha!" Yelled Justin as he ran outside, when the door closed he tripped and fell.

"I don't like this, Jerry, shouldn't we say something to him?" Asked Theresa.

"What, two people sleeping in the same bed, it's good for the environment, conserving space, like car pooling, what could be wrong with, oh, eh, how bad could it be, I mean it's Justin." Stated Jerry.

"I guess you're right, we should just let this family enjoy this trip to it's fullest potential." Said Theresa.

"Great, oh, I gotta get going, Logan wants me to meet him in his dorm tonight, and I need to get a room key, somehow, see ya." Said Alex as she left.

"Wow, this is one insane school, like a freakin' soap opera." Stated Theresa.

"I'll say, oh, I gotta go sell drugs to addicts before the sun goes down, see you guys." Said Jerry as he left.

"By, oh, I hope Jerry doesn't find out about my affair, sleeping with Dean Taylor, that would kill him, but, for the environment, blu." Mocked Theresa as she smoked and put her cigar in her soup.

"What is it about people sleeping toge, oh." Said Max, who just realized what was going on.

"When you get older, you'll understand, about the environment." Said Theresa.

"Uh, ya." Said Max.

At Zoey's dorm that night, Zoey and Justin were running to dorm 101 while holding each others hands and giggling. When they got in, they saw Quinn studying. "Ha guys." Said Quinn.

"Get out!" Screamed the two.

"Okay." Said Quinn as she grabbed her text book and ran out in tears.

"He he." Said the two as they jumped into the bottom bunk.

Outside on campus, Lola and Chase were standing around, shaking, giving money to Jerry, and selling their blood for money in an attempt to appease their need for drugs. "Give me the good stuff, now!" Demanded Chase. He injected it into his arm. "Ah, sweet heroine."

"Hurry, money is no object, and neither is blood!" Yelled Lola as she had a pint of blood taken from her arm and Jerry traded up the drugs. "Ah." Said Lola as she injected it and fell into a low.

"That's right, hoo hoo wa ha!" Laughed Jerry as he pedaled his money.

Back at the dorm, Justin and Zoey were sitting on the bed, sweaty, breathing heavy, giggling, Justin was wearing a white t-shirt, and Zoey was just wearing a white slip undershirt. "Wow, that was amazing." Said Justin through his deep breathes.

"Ya, I guess the counselor was right. She said wait for just the right guy to come along, then she said some other things I wasn't listening to because I was, anyway, ya that was terrific, really." Said Zoey as she blushed and fanned herself with her hand.

"I never thought anybody could make me as happy as you've made me. When should we meet again?" Asked Justin.

"Tomorrow at seven, then noon, then three, then seven p.m, and if I want you again I'll call you at about midnight. See ya then." Said Zoey as she started to eat chocolates.

"Okay, uh, ah I'll just stay here." Said Justin as he laid back in the bed.

"Works for me." Said Zoey in a deep voice.

The next day, Jerry and Theresa were eating in the cafeteria when Max walked in. "Ha guys, what's up?" Asked Max.

"Oh not much. Jerry I'm worried, neither Alex or Justin came back to the dorm last night, then again, neither did you." Said Theresa in an angry voice.

"Ha, when I'm selling drugs, there's just no time for sleep." Said Jerry as he ate.

"But there sure is for eating." Said Theresa quietly.

"Mom you must have been selling drugs too, because you never came back last night either." Said Max.

"Shh." Said Theresa to Max. "Ya see, I was, uh, lear..."

"Well, I made it big last night, I got three hundred dollars, and almost a whole quart of blood. I gotta go cash in this blood before it coagulates, see you guys." Said Jerry as he picked up a jar of blood off the floor and left with it.

"I'm not hungry anymore." Said Theresa as she put the food back on her plate.

Dean Taylor then walked by. "Ha, don't waste food, finish that, or I'll have to keep you after class young lady. Ha ha, hi son." Said Taylor as he left.

"Ha ha, uh." Said Theresa as she put her head in her hands. "Oh, hi." Said Theresa to Max.

"Hi." Said Max in a confused voice.

In the school, everyone was going about their unproductive day as usual when Alex and Logan walked in. Logan was wearing just some sleep wear pants and no shirt, and Alex was just wearing a thin, nearly see through violet robe, so small she had to hold it shut. "Uh, am I tired." Said Alex as she sat down and everybody stared at her.

"Nice look Logan." Said Quinn in a joking voice, who's hair was messed up, because she never got back in the dorm.

"Thank you." Said Logan as he leaned back in the chair. "Ah I forgot to get dressed, eh." He said as he just sat there.

"Oh man." Said Alex as she pulled her robe together at the stomach. "Eh, I've had worse days."

Justin and Zoey were sitting together looking lovingly at each other when Chase turned to talk to them. "Ha, check this out, I can tie a cherry stem, with my tongue." Said Chase as he put the stem in his mouth, moved his tongue around, and took it out, in a knot.

"Big deal, any loser mother fucker tie a cherry stem with their tongue, takes a real man to tie it with yer dick!" Yelled Justin.

"Ah." Said Chase as he turned around. "Ha Lola, everybody else is hooking up, why don't we? We both love school, cherries, drugs."

"Because we don't do things others do, we're losers!" Yelled Lola.

"Damn, I hate forgeting!" Yelled Chase. "Mm, cherry."

"Logan, are you being unfaithful to me, with that girl in the plastic wrapper?" Asked Quinn in a serious voice.

"Ha I'm rich, and she loves her money love." Said Logan in a pompous voice.

"Oh, ah!" Cried Quinn as she took off her glasses and ran out crying.

"Cherry?" Asked Logan as he held up a cherry.

"You bet." Said Alex as she put it in her mouth and chewed it, slowly.

At the dean's office, Theresa was fully dressed, buttoning her shirt while sitting on his desk. "Hu, uh." She groaned.

"Ya I gotta get a couch in here." Said Dean Taylor as he pulled his plaque out of his back. "Oh, that's it."

"Dean, I don't know about this, I mean, I have three children, and a husband." Said Theresa.

"Ha, would it make you fell better if I gave them all higher marks?" Asked the Dean.

"Na I don't really care, I just don't want them to know about it, cause my husband sells drugs, and we all know how dangerous they are. So don't talk to me, at least not in a way that gets me so, uh, you know what I mean." Said Theresa as she left.

"Nope." Said the dean as he used his pen to floss his teeth, leaving ink stains on them.

At the cafeteria, Alex was sitting at the table, and was gossiping heavily. "Logan is the best lover on earth. We made love five times before we fell asleep, and three when we woke up. I bet if we ever got married, we'd still be going like this after ten years, this is the hottest thing that has ever happened to me."

"That's great." Said Jerry. "So, I got this drug train moving like one of those Japanese passenger trains. I am going to make this, huge!" He yelled as he banged his fist on the table.

"Incredible." Said Alex as she sipped some Limade. "Uh, gross."

"I want some." Said Jerry.

"Ha Justin, all ready for our date tonight." Said Zoey as she put a huge jar of cherries on the table.

"Thanks Zoe, you really know how to spice up a relationship. Ha, ever since we came here, I heard the dean has been giving students straight A's like nothing, mostly people close to our family."

"He must know how happy we are, and it spreads to all of the campus, I love you." Said Zoey as she kissed him and he leaned on the table to not fall down.

"Look at those sluts." Said Theresa as he drank some water. "Ah!"

At the dorm, Quinn was looking at one of her chemistry books and was speaking to herself. "Ah, amoebas, they don't need mates to have kids, no, dating, no, body to break your heart, hu, hu."

"Ha, get out!" Yelled Logan as he walked in.

"Ya, we want to cuddle." Said Alex as she hugged Logan.

"Don't worry it won't bother me." Said Quinn through her tears.

"Okay." Said Logan as he kissed Alex and they laid on the bed.

"Ah, hu hu." Said Quinn as she went back to her book while Alex and Logan started to have sex.

Several days later, Alex was laying in one of the beds in the dorm with Max, talking. "Uh, Logan makes me so happy, he's so sweet, handsome, nice, I love that we're together." Said Alex.

"That's good, after all that's happened, it's great you found somebody else who makes you so happy." Said Max.

"Ya, I never thought I would, hmm." Said Alex, lying back, expression going blank, thinking back. "But, I'm so glad we came here, it let me realize, just how good my life could be, something like this, shows up in the blink of an eye, you know what that's like." Said Alex.

"Ya." Said Max laughing. "If anyone deserves it, it's you, I mean, you've always been there for me, we spent so much time together, made me feel, less lonely, that, I mean something, you're a great sister Alex." Said Max, smiling, holding back tears.

"Thanks, you're a pretty good brother too, always on my side, saw, a part of me that, most people didn't, had confidence in who I am, and you were always there, to help me when I was down, we both know that happened, a lot." Said Alex, dryly.

"Ya, we're there for each other, and I'm glad we are." Said Max.

"Ya, me too, really." Said Alex, letting out a breath. "Miss spending time with you, it's nice, calms me." Said Alex, softly.

"Me too, just to be, with you, together, like this." Said Max. They both just layed there. Max looked at Alex. "I love you Alex."

She sat there, and took in the words, thinking back, and looked at him. "I love you too, Max." She said as she moved closer and took his hand, they both sighed in relief.

Two days later, Justin was sitting in the cafeteria, at table five, and was stacking rib bones when Zoey ran in quickly. "Justin something's wrong! I started using this tropical perfume, but I don't have muscular men in swim suits playing volleyball around me or doing heroine, what's wrong?" She asked frantically.

"Well, they must know about the love we share, and don't want to mess with fate. Plus, if you were a guy, would you want to mess with a rich handsome model who has hammer denting abs?" Asked Justin.

"Oh I guess not, I'm so glad I'm not a guy." Said Zoey in a lovey voice.

"And I'm so glad I am." Said Justin as he flossed his teeth with a rib bone. "Ow, eh." He said as he continued to floss.

In the dorm, Logan was reading a magazine. "Ha, what if we went to a place, really far away, and did a role playing thing, like we don't know each other, we could freak people out so much!" Yelled Logan.

"Ha, you could be the rich philanthropist, and I could be the ragged street girl, who can't afford clothes, or, you could be the pool cleaner boy, and I could be the sinister house owner who secretly rapes all of her employees, that would be hot." She said as she smoked a cigar.

"That's what I'm saying, and with all my money, we can disturb people on all four corners of the globe, and if necessary, bail us out of prison, this is what rich people are made for."

"That's what I'm talking about." Said Alex.

Four days later, the whole family was sitting in the room, and they all looked ashamed, well, just Theresa. "Ha, what if me and Logan went on a trip to Aspen this summer, hu?" Asked Alex.

"I don't know, maybe Dean Taylor and I could go on a trip this summer, for educational purposes." Said Theresa.

"Ha, when I go to Mexico and join the trafficking circuit, I could send the whole family to different places, I love this school." Said Jerry.

"I just don't get it." Said Max as he used a cat's cradle string.

"Alright guys, thinkin' of changing my name from Justin to Just In, cause that's what newspapers say when something amazing comes up, like me." Said Justin as he walked in.

"Justin what's wrong with you?" Asked Theresa.

"Ya, ever since you met that girl you seem to be getting stupider and more obnoxious, like all their stupidity is spreading to us." Said Max.

"Ha, you don't think stupidity can be spread socially do you?" Asked Alex.

"I hope not." Said Theresa. The family stared at her. "Never mind."

Zoey then ran in, in a bikini, all covered in mud. "Justin, there's a ton of mud coming from the mountain. I thought it was one of those traveling mud spas, but it's not. Justin what's happening?" She asked frantically.

"We, uh, wait a minute, this is where it usually all falls apart, and we all die, we have to do something!" Yelled Justin.

"Ah, ah, ah!" Screamed Alex as she fanned herself with one hand, holding Max's hand with the other.

"We have to move!" Yelled Jerry.

"Okay." Said Jerry as he ran out the door into a huge wall of mud. "Oh!"

"Okay other way." Said Theresa.

Later, at the bird sanctuary, Justin was watching birds through his binoculars. "Take that fate! This is one time when the Russos aren't going to end up dead! Ha look, a red bird."

"Maybe it stayed out in the sun too long." Suggested Zoey, laughing.

"Uh, this is awful." Groaned Max.

"Ya, I don't like it here Justin." Said Theresa.

"Ya I think I'd rather be dead." Said Jerry.

"Hu." Sighed Alex as she pulled up a pistol, held it to the side of her head, and fired it.

**THE END**


End file.
